Dear Reader-
This is the blog that I promised my friends Amanda and Oy that I would do once a week this year. And by "friends" I mean "bosses" and by "Promised I would do it", it was more of an "aggressive suggestion" that I do. But what do I write about? What do I know? Am I getting paid extra for this? Then it hit me- STUPID PEOPLE. I shall write what I know....wait. This week I want to talk about myself. Believe it or not have been called stupid in the past, but I killed those bastards..I mean...they moved away. I recently made a purchase that I am incredibly ashamed of. Not that one. The other one. I ordered a FLEX BELT! It's a belt you wear around your waist and it shocks your ab muscles so you can get a 6 pack! To be completely transparent you should know that this was not a cheap purchase, so I did discuss it with my husband. He was all like "If that's what you want" and I'm like, "It's $199" and then he said "Baby, you don't need that!" And then I ordered it anyway because he's completely full of s*** and he wouldn't have said that if I were like "it's only $9.99". Fact.
Anyway, I'm usually pretty consistent at the gym, and the belt is just supposed to "enhance" your working out and eating right. Are you still following me? Here's why I think I'm an idiot. I knew, even on day 1.
Let's travel through time. A simpler time. My sister Heidi bought this exact same thing at a kiosk at the Foothills Fashion Mall back in 1999. I watched her eat pastries aplenty while wearing the belt. She would seriously watch Judge Judy and do her abs every day at 2 o'clock. Now, I digress, my sister Heidi has never been over a size 2, so back in 1999 I was like "ummmmmmm okay, you're so f****** stupid'. She's a cop now, so I would be much more respectful because she could kick me through a door. Now I would be like, "way to go, superstar!" or something stupid like that. Anyway, she did NOT need to lose weight. I, on the other hand, was a little pudgy. This fatty wanted to fly too. Flash forward to now, 2022. I whipped out the credit card and bought the same f****** thing for much more money. These damn Facebook targeting ads suck me in every time! But....will this product be different? Probably not. I am the stupid person this week because I skipped my yoga class tonight to go and pick up Mexican food, and I'm $200 poorer with a belt that will most likely light on fire while I'm finally using it. Yes.
See you next week.
-Sadie
Have a great week.