Somethings you just cannot make up, and a story about a man stealing some tater tots and three vehicles while naked for most of it, is one of those things.
It happened in Greeley back in August, but court documents have been revealed to the Greeley Tribune, laying out a crazy few hours:
Nile Kirkpatrick, 54, told Weld County sheriff's deputies that on the night of Aug. 15, he was "running from people for 6-7 hours." While he was on the run, he snuck into the garage of a home in the 18000 block of Weld County Road 13, just south of Platteville. While inside, police believe, he found some tater tots in a refrigerator, cooked them in the garage microwave and ate them. He then stole the 2002 Chevrolet Duramax inside, worth $10,000, according to the affidavit.
Kirkpatrick did not, apparently, get far in the truck, because it was found crashed into an irrigation ditch about at 4:30 a.m. Aug. 16, according to the affidavit. Police found Kirkpatrick's soaked clothes inside.
Although Kirkpatrick was naked, he kept running. He appeared on 71-year-old Kent Peterson's doorstep in the 12000 block of Weld 28 in the Platteville area, the report stated. He asked Peterson for clothes, but Peterson refused and told him to leave.
After Peterson shut the door to Kirkpatrick, he heard the diesel engine of his 2002 Chevrolet Sierra, and when he looked outside, he saw the truck beginning to move. He ran outside and began to struggle with Kirkpatrick to get him out of the Sierra.
Kirkpatrick later told police Peterson did actually pull him out of the truck, but it careened over a bank into a pond on the property.
It didn't stop him, though. He ran down a hill to a dump truck Peterson had nearby. Kirkpatrick found the keys in the truck, turned it on and drove away.
Somewhere along the line, he was able to find some clothes, he told police, and he drove the dump truck to American Demolition in Brighton, where he worked.
Someone needs to make a movie about this guy's adventures!!